.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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