is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
