ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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