Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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