Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
