Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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