After last night, I could never be a politician.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize