she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
