maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
