So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
