Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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