I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
