just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
