I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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