38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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