I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
