i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
