so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
