haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
