Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
