id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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