so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
