we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
