Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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