I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
