at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
