I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize