You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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