And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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