I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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