Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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