that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
