I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
