I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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