Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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