he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
