Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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