Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have aggressive nipples.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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