DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
