Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
