also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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