ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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