Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize