Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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