is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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