Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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