'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
