I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize