this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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