and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
