Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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