a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
