I smell stomach acid.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
