Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
