I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
