I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
