I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
