Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
