while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
