I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
