why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
