who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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