I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She bit a glass in half.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
