You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
