Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
