I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
